How do you know if people truly care about you? Seriously? Is it when they’re nice to you? How do you feel when someone says, “You’ve got something in your teeth.” Do you want to know?

As you read this, I’m in Las Vegas sharing the stage with one of my mentors – Vinnie Favorito – teaching our Humor Boot Camp. Someone asked me earlier week what Vinnie is like as a teacher (they had seen him perform). He was brutal and honest… which I now know meant that he cared about me. He cared about my growth. He took the “true” responsibility of a teacher.

I remember early on… as I received feedback, I was completely open to it because I didn’t know anything about comedy. As I grew, got some confidence, and had a few successes, I actually started taking offense when I was given feedback. I was much less open to the idea. I wanted the pat on the back, but I still needed the growth. I had no idea how much I still needed to learn.

At our last coaching camp, one of the attendees told me they’d heard I was “mean” when giving feedback. Really? As first I got defensive. Then it dawned on me that I’m no different. Receiving feedback is different from each individual. Different people will take the same exact feedback in a different way. What is the “purpose” of the feedback? To show that you’re better? Or to help grow?

Some presenters are surrounded by people who can’t give them a higher level of feedback. They’re the “king” of their club, and they may be content with that. This is probably pretty good for their self-esteem, but it’s not good for their growth. What kind of people are you surrounded by? Are they helping you grow?

When we created the new “Own The Stage” 10-DVD set, we brought in a camera crew to film both days of our Coaching boot camp, and we were focused on capturing a truly world class level of feedback. I don’t know of any other program like this on the market. It’s a very high level of feedback, delivered with brutal honesty for the purpose of caring. We always give our boot campers a “disclaimer,” so they’ll know to expect directness and honesty from us. But we make sure they understand that it’s not to be “mean” …it’s because we care and we want them to grow.

I remember how honest Vinnie was with me… how much it impacted what I did, and how I improved as a result. He was brutal and he was honest, but now I realize just how much he cared. How do you look at feedback from people who have more expertise than you?

No mentor ever “niced” me to the next level.
You?

How do you respond to feedback? Will you become defensive and hurt, or will you look for your growth?

Stage time, Stage time, Stage time,

Darren LaCroix
2001 World Champion of Public Speaking.
Used with permission.