Speech Evaluation #1 – My Alter Ego

Robert MacKenzie – Region II Winning Speech 2008

The Speech

Before the speech

Title of the speech

The title of Robert’s speech is “My Alter Ego.” This title is simple enough and gives a simple frame of reference for what is about to come.

I would like to see a more evocative title that makes the audience think a little before the speaker utters their first word.

One possibility is to call the speech “Bobby Backwards.” This would raise a question and also link to part of the speech. It doesn’t give away the message. This doesn’t seem a great title though, as Bobby Backwards was not a major part of the speech. If Robert went with this title I would suggest sprinkling references to this throughout the speech. “Bob and I” would be another possibility, as well as “Inside Bob.”

Robert’s alter ego saying “no” all of the time makes me think that “Bobby Contrary” would be a better title. The enormity of the alter ego leads to “Inside my Alter Ego” – a fun title, the one I would go with.

An alternative approach would be to incorporate the alter ego into the title. Acknowledging the voice of the alter ego could be fun. A title such as “You can choose to say yes… no you can’t!” might work out well. This title does rely somewhat on the Toastmaster.

Approach

Robert approached the Toastmaster in a very confident fashion. He kept his eyes on him until he reached his seat. This gave the audience time to finish their applause and also meant that as soon as Robert looked at the audience for the first time he was into his speech.

Often it is suggested that you take a few seconds to look over the audience. In this case Robert’s approach worked well because he greeted the audience immediately. This seemed sincere rather than just something perfunctory as it does many times.

Speech

Opening

The welcome to the ladies and gentlemen of the audience flowed well into presenting “Bob.” Robert immediately addressed who the alter ego was that was mentioned in the title.

Making his alter ego real

Robert did a fantastic job in making his alter ego real. He made it real in a number of ways. It took up over a third of the stage. He gestured towards it and showed how big it was by walking around it. In this way he gave the alter ego depth. “He has grown to this height and to this girth…”

He gave his alter ego a name. This gave an abstract concept an identity. It is interesting to note that Robert didn’t refer to “Bob” by name in the rest of his speech. I would have liked to see Robert use the alter ego’s name when referencing him, especially in the conclusion.

One of my favorite parts of the speech was when “Bob” interrupted Robert in his delivery of a laundry list of items. This showed us the connection between the two of them. Speeches that show rather than tell are usually much better at persuading your audience.

Robert also gave the alter ego a door and a dark place within. When the door is closed you cannot hear Robert speak.

When you make something imaginary so real, you have to be careful not to violate that temporary reality. Robert walked through “Bob” a number of times. Even after the end of the speech, I would have liked to have seen Robert go around “Bob” rather than straight through him. Alternatively, some indication that “Bob” is now much more diminished after Robert’s triumphs.

Robert did a great job opening and closing the door when necessary, although he did go through a closed door at the conclusion of his speech.

What if Robert’s demeanor changed noticeably when he went inside the alter ego? This surely is not a place he would feel comfortable in. I would also like to see Robert duck under the doorframe when entering the alter ego. Little things like this take no time to do and make objects even more real for the audience. When you make something real like this, you have to stretch your imagination and ask yourself, “What if this was actually real?

Perhaps Robert could show a difference between the dark and the light. Coming out of the dark after 2 months, I would be rubbing my eyes, squinting, and looking away from the sun.

Movement

Movement flows well from the verbs and transitions in our speeches. It can be less effective to move when you are making a point though. Robert did move a few times where I believe that standing still would have been more effective. Early on in the speech, “Difficult, painful years” was one example, and “The only sound that I could utter was one simple word” was another. I think each would be less distracting without the movement.

Storytelling

When Robert reaches out to his future wife, he says, “So, I stepped into my alter ego. When a new fear gripped me. The fear that my life was about to pass me by. And as I watched that woman turn and walk away. I stepped back into the light and I reached for her hand and I said, ‘yes!’” See how the story comes to life when done in the active voice, “Stepping back into Bob, a new fear grips me. The fear that my life is about to pass me by. Watching that woman turn and walk away, I step back into the light, reach for her hand and say ‘yes!’” The story did start out in the active voice when he sees her, “looking at this gorgeous creature.” By using the active voice in this story, Robert would take the audience with him as a participant rather than a spectator.

When Robert described his heart attack, he is quite specific in naming Nov 2nd 2006. He could take it a step further and also name the time. This makes the instant even more significant and paints a detailed picture.

I couldn’t help but wonder where Robert’s family was when he woke up in the hospital. Why was it a nurse that told him he had experienced a heart attack instead of his wife or kids? Even if it was a nurse in reality, it doesn’t matter. Reality can be massaged in a speech. Being surrounded by family in the hospital would have been an excellent contrast to withdrawing into his dark and lonely place for 2 months.

Robert painted an excellent picture in telling us that the machines were “lurking like vultures.”

Gestures

There really isn’t much to say about Robert’s gestures. They were natural, emphasized his points in very subtle ways, and were not distracting. It can be very hard to get the amount and type of gestures right, but Robert got it spot on.

Vocal variety

In the section of the speech where Robert responds “yes” to his wife, he uses a lot of vocal variety that contributes greatly to the humor. The elongated yes when he thinks about having a 3rd child is priceless. Robert also emphasizes the yes very well in response to Toastmasters.

Robert used vocal variety to emphasize each time he said “no” due to his alter ego. Upon review I wonder if it would have been effective to have the way the “no” answers progressed with the way the “yes” answers progressed. Robert could develop symmetry between the yeses and nos.

When Robert was told he had a heart attack, his voice, movement and stance all changed. It was as if a huge weight was now on his shoulders. He didn’t need to tell us that there was a weight because he showed us. Robert paused for 5 seconds after the first “oh”, and another 3 seconds after the second one. Each “oh” was said very quietly, which intensified the effect.

Humor

Robert had been animated most of the speech. You could see a huge change as he realized he experienced a heart attack. Hands by his sides and stayed still while he delivered his funniest line about the fear of public speaking. It is important to provide no distractions while delivering the punch line. The laughter continued for 12 seconds.

Staging

Robert used the stage well to indicate fear by sinking back into the stage area. He seemed to melt into the back wall as he talked about “melting away.”

When Robert moves forward to ask the question “Toastmasters?” he shows how unexpected the question was by moving to the back of the stage and saying “ooooh.” You immediately understand what Robert is feeling when confronted with this question.

When Robert tells us that “we all have an alter ego”, he says “we desperately want to run to that space and close the door.” During this time he moves and enters the space. Perhaps it would be more powerful to merely gesture to “Bob.” In that way, you ask the audience to imagine it rather than having to act it out.

Inside references

It appeared that Robert incorporated outside references a few times in his speech. There was a reference to Joseph and also a reference to it “all starting in Kindergarten.” This was very effective for the audience. It made for effective humor and also gave the impression that Robert is confident and present in the moment.

Conclusion

In conclusion Robert said that “we all have an alter ego.” Referring to it as a dark place was an excellent juxtaposition with the light on the other side of the door.

The conclusion seemed shorter than I would have expected. The tone inflexion on “Make sure you are on the side of the light” seemed to indicate that something was to come after that statement. Robert only had 16 seconds at the point when he finished. The conclusion was sufficient even if it wasn’t as long as it might have been.

A powerful speech needs a powerful conclusion. As an example, “Make sure you are on the side of the light. Where you can hold the hands of your loved ones, your voice can be heard, and your heart can say YES!”

After the speech

Leaving the stage

Robert was not in any hurry to get off the stage. Often when the speech is over, the speaker makes a dash for the exit. Robert took a slow meaningful bow and took confident strides off the stage.

What can we learn from this speech?

This is an excellent speech. With a little work I believe it could have placed, if not won, International. Robert had to create a new speech for that final level.

Making it real

Even abstract concepts can be made real. Examine your speeches and see if there is a way to add more to your characters and your concepts.

Choosing a title

Often neglected, the title can be a powerful introduction to your speech. Spend some quality time coming up with your speech title. After you have written your speech including a number of rounds of editing, look to see if the title still makes sense.

Conclusion

Have an emergency conclusion to your speech in case you run up against time troubles.